VULNERABILITY

July 28, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“To withstand the intense pain of living with insanity and to have any sense of control we must deny our feelings and hide our vulnerability. “ BRB p. 356

“As we grew up we were shattered into many parts.  Because of the insanity around us, we learned to hide our more vulnerable parts in order to survive. Some of us became multiple personalities and others of us were less broken, but we all found ourselves numb in some way.  We adapted and adopted whatever survival techniques we needed.

In ACA recovery it can take time for some of our “hidden parts to make themselves known until they trust there is an inner loving parent who accepts them.

We work with our recovery partners and discover how to give ourselves the warmth, love, compassion and understanding we didn’t experience as children. As we comfort and protect our Inner Child, we make healing our priority as we learn to quiet ourselves to see what feelings come up – what memories resurface.

To help ensure that the rooms of recovery are available for ourselves and others, we can also begin to give service in our meetings in small ways. We see that our honesty can encourage others to face their own fears as we learn together how to experience balance in our lives.

On this day I will listen to and comfort my Inner Child, accepting all of the parts of myself that make me unique. I look forward to who I can become as I heal.”

My Experience:

Today, I have worked through some issues and am now vulnerable enough to be able to display feelings such as compassion, guilt, remorse, hurt, fear, happiness, tenderness, etc. However, denial of my feelings in the past resulted in showing the only feeling that would not allow others to hurt me:  anger!! 

Anger was my shield

Seething, slow burn, fuming are all different names

They all resemble anger as it burst into flames

Batman had the bat mobile and his armor to adorn

Superman had a cape that shielded his form

My protection was called anger and it never failed me

Like the legendary Leonidas and his 300 mighty

Battle ready was I always to get down in the mix

Unequipped you come you better rethink this

Because if you dared to confront me ready you think

I would make an example of you quick as a blink

I couldn’t understand the viciousness of the attack

I would see red until you reeled all the way back

Then I would satisfy in the carnage presented before me

Didn’t matter who it was that lay beneath thee

But the ground that I stood on I would never yield

Because I always knew that anger was my shield

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