VICTIM

Dec 14, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Our experience shows that we often lived as victims.”  BRB p. 14

“Many of us may have gotten very good at playing the victim.  But we tell ourselves that we didn’t create that role for ourselves.  Wasn’t it those other people and circumstances that made us a victim?

Holding on to regrets and resentments is like wrapping ourselves in a blanket of thorns.  Each minute of each day we are aware of the fact that the thorns are causing us pain, and the only comfort some of us get is thinking that at least others see how hurt we are.  But nobody wants to live with a victim, not even the victim.

How different our lives and our world would be if we could go back and undo the past.  But life doesn’t offer us that option.  What we do get is a choice, to either accept our past and work through it, or to remain a victim. Letting it continue to influence who we are and what we do.

When we recite the Serenity Prayer in meetings, we need to believe the words “Accept the things I cannot change.”  Our past happened.  As uncomfortable as it was, it can become the catalyst that helps make us stronger.

On this day I will continue to shed the blanket of thorns I’ve worn as a victim and wrap myself in the soft blanket of recovery.”

My experience:

Funny, I am starting to realize that the anger I displayed was really me being a victim of my past. The more I acknowledge the unhealthy childhood for which I grew up in, the farther away from victimhood I live and the less angry I am.  I now get to choose how I live, how I act and not react, how I let go of those unhealthy behaviors I learned and developed as a result of the behaviors that were displayed towards me.  My Gladiator protected me and now I get to exorcise the gladiator from my life and live a full productive life.  Free from the pain of the past and free from the anger associated with the past. 

The Exorcism of the Gladiator

For so very long I have come to rely

Afraid without you that I might just die

Time has come for the warrior to be expelled

I know this now as I move towards well

You can no longer be allowed to slay

You must be put to rest this very day

From this body you are compelled to depart

You have completed your mission given you from the start

Someone else now needs you in order to survive

You helped me immensely, but now alone I must strive

You eliminated the enemies when I needed you to

But now it is time for me to do what I do

Enjoy this thing we call eternal life

Living It without all the turmoil and strife

So thank you gladiator for taking care of me

But the exorcism is complete and now I set you free.