USING OTHERS
July 14, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“As adult children, most of us have used a variety of relationships in an attempt to heal ourselves from the chronic sense of aloneness in our lives.” BRB p. 173
“We swam inside other people like a fish swims in water. This gave us some relief from the anxiety we felt when we were alone. Other people’s problems, no matter how bad they were or how needy those faces became, were a tonic to our existence – a way to get out of ourselves. But we learned that we had become overly focused on others, using their dramas and excitement to energize us in unhealthy ways. This is how we realized we had an unhealthy dependence on excitement.
ln recovery, we stop trying to fix others. We replace those relationships where we kept going in circles with healthier relationships with others in the program, recognizing the honesty that is available to us.
When we find an ACA sponsor or fellow traveler, it may be the first emotionally honest relationship we have ever had. From there, we learn to take our recovery out into world and make friends with people who have the same qualities and integrity, people who have boundaries and can take care of themselves. At some point, we realize we made the final turn – we now find overly needy people unattractive. We finally understand why people reacted to us the way they did before recovery.
On this day I will seek to connect to my Higher Power and connect through the healthy energy of others who want to heal both inside and outside of program.”
My Experience:
I never looked at it that way, but I guess I was somehow trying to heal myself. Heal my unknown wounds of my childhood. Funny thing is, since they were unknown, if someone would have been able to heal them, it would have been simply coincidence. I now know better and don’t use anyone to heal me. I am going through the process of healing myself. In this healing process I am able to be better for myself and in relationships. Those around me see a different me and are tentatively surprised at this point. Hopefully they will be able to better recognize the permanent change and be able to better appreciate it. I will never be perfect, but the path I am on is different and I only need the help from my program to help me continue down this healing path.
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