UNIQUE JOURNEY
May 19, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
Unique Journey
“We find that a difference in identity and purpose distinguishes Adult Children of Alcoholics from other 12-Step Programs and underscores the need for our special focus.” BRB p. 81
“Our first ACA meeting may have seemed almost overpowering for many of us. From our war-zone childhood homes, we brought with us our hypervigilance, anxiety, and anger. We were on high alert as we scanned the “weirdos” sitting around us.
Some of us entered these rooms after finding that our other Twelve Step programs weren’t giving us the emotional sobriety we needed. Some of us came after chance encounters with people who saw how troubled we were and asked us if we’d grown up in an alcoholic home, or with some other severe dysfunction. It may have felt embarrassing to be so easily diagnosed, but knowing there was a place where we might be heard felt hopeful.
In spite of our anxiety at our first meeting, we were hooked. We heard laughter and secrets from others that convinced us we weren’t unique or insane, only sick from overexposure to parental addiction.
As we kept coming back, we found a sponsor and other fellow travelers we trusted who helped us through our Step work. We learned how shame and guilt had controlled our adult lives, and how we were conditioned to take responsibility for other people’s problems. We were now on a unique journey to reparent ourselves.
On this day I will appreciate who I am, knowing that going to ACA and practicing its principles can take me home – not again, but for the first time.”
My Experience:
My journey into the rooms of recovery consisted of me seeing something about adult children on television. I cannot remember what I was watching I just remember saying to myself, “that sounds like me.” I immediately got on my computer and started ordering literature to read on the subject. I recognized myself from the very first reading. As I continued to read, all the books suggested that I find a meeting to attend. Reading was one thing, but attending a meeting with all those “weirdos,” that was a completely different thing that I was never going to do. However, as I continued to read, I finally decided, ok, let me see what these meetings are all about. So I went to look for a meeting. The meeting I looked for happened to be inside a local hospital. I somewhat earnestly (wink, wink) looked all around but could not find the meeting. I reasoned, I wasn’t supposed to go to a meeting anyway. I kept reading and then several weeks or months later, I finally walked into a room. It’s been almost three years since I walked into that door and I have to tell you, things have never been the same!!
I will never be the same
It never dawned on me when I walked into the room
The same for which I was, was destined for doom
As I walked into the space with my heart heavy sighing
I saw people cheerful and laughing and I saw some that were crying
This spot I entered was a wonder to me
Some place that I never thought I would be
But how could this exist without me ever knowing
A place that could truly help, my mind was blown
Smiles were freely given and even many a hug
Honestly, I was put aback, and my shoulders did shrug
Love from the entrance was given to me
But belief I deserved, dogged and eluded thee
They said that they would love and accept no matter what
They just wanted my acceptance as they already accepted me such
This initiated tears like I have never before
But like I would have in the past, I did not run for the door
I stayed to hear what more they had to say
And then like they asked, I came back another day
The folks in this room have seen me weep more than any other
These people now, I consider sisters and brothers
So, back and back continue I came
I realize now that I will never be the same
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