UNIQENESS

Nov 14, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Many of us grew up thinking our families were different, that we were unique. We witnessed drama that was way beyond our understanding. Often the very people who should have comforted us were responsible for the trauma. The resulting shame and embarrassment left us feeling that we could never be like our peers. We felt “apart” from them, so we donned our masks and acted as if we were “normal.”

In ACA we share our darkest history and find that others identify with it. Uncovering our memories helps take the sting out of our hurt.We cherish the freedom we feel because we realize we won’t be judged for the actions of our family members. We are not alone.

We learn about patterns of behavior we developed to cope with our feelings of shame, hurt and anger. Once they are identified, we give ourselves a choice: we can continue to act as we did when we were in darkness or we can try new behaviors that work better. When we keep coming back, we are choosing new behaviors.”

My experience:

Unique, alone, on an island, whatever you call it, the first time you walk in the doors of recovery you understand, you are no longer alone!  There is a whole room full of people that have similar stories and upbringing.  I was shocked and amazed at what I was hearing for the first time.  I was in awe that there were people that could actually relate and not afraid to talk and be judged because everyone in the room could relate to what was being said.  There were no shocked faces when stories of infidelity, molestation, beatings, etc. were told.  There were just nods of understanding.  What a relief to know that people would not look at me differently when I told them of stories of being emotionally abandoned and feeling like this was normal, but somehow knew that it wasn’t.  They just confirmed what I already knew, that this was not a normal childhood.  I was abandoned.  I survived childhood, as did they.  Not that misery loves company, but misery loves the fact that there is relief in knowing that help is right there in front of you.  All you have to do is to muster up the courage to ask.

I asked and maybe you can too!!