TRUST

Nov 13, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Do I trust the person I am with?”  BRB p. 42

 “As children, most of us didn’t learn trust in our families of origin, so we approached adulthood not trusting anyone. Paradoxically, we were actually often drawn to people who could not be trusted.

When we think of the people around us, we now ask ourselves “Can I tell them my deepest fears and insecurities and feel safe that they won’t be used against me?” “Can I be sure they accept me and all of my flaws, or do I have to undergo a transformation in order to fit their ideal?” “If life brings financial difficulties, health problems, or other changes, will they stick around?”

As we grow stronger in our ACA program, we learn that we are healthy enough to ask the right questions, but also trust that we will be okay, even if our trust is violated. We affirm that we, too, can be trusted by others. Equally, or perhaps more important, we can trust ourselves to continue to work on our recovery.

On this day I choose to associate with those I can trust.  If that trust is broken, I am able to determine how to handle it in an adult manner with the help of my fellow travelers.”

My experience:

I am learning that this was a huge issue for me.  I couldn’t trust me, so I of course could not trust those around me.  Take a look:

BATTLE TESTED

A breakthrough has occurred and more I know me

I wish I had this knowledge way back in the d

Not freely given this thing called trust

Prove yourself in battle with me you must

My homies, they have had opportunity galore

Whether on the field, in the field or anything more

They are who I can have faith this is true

But to prove yourself I am not sure how you do

My boys and I will suit up freely

To March into battle with them and with me

This security I needed when I was a lad

Without it then kept me lonely and sad

Unable to entrust my adults with this task

During their watch, I was abandoned and harassed

So a gladiator I did become you see

Traveling with those on the same mission as me

I now realize that proving is not what I need

But trust in and of itself is what I should heed

Loving and trusting as a brave little soul

Will provide me conscious relief that will make me whole

Not looking for you to protect, just having my back

I regret testing you with the trust I did lack

I know this drove you so far away

I couldn’t comprehend but I did want you to stay

How confusing all this must have been

Me so loving once then you on trial again

Just know that I now recognize this flaw

And am now working on this iceberg to thaw

So I am sorry if I didn’t have the capacity

I know that it hurt you, but it also hurt me

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