TRUE SELF

August 11, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“While the Inner Child or True Self can be the spark of our creativity, we must also remember the child is a deeply hurt part of ourselves.” BRB p. 303

“Many of us have pursued an understanding of our True Self, awakening our Inner Child and expressing our creativity in hopes of relieving ourselves from suffering. Yet we face an obstacle – a persistent and harsh self- judgment that we can’t seem to stop. This underlying thinking compels us to continue dysfunctional and addictive behaviors. We wonder why we can’t get out from under this “curse-like” self-sabotage and realize the promise of our True Self.

We learn in ACA to get in touch with and feel the pain and grief of the deeply hurt parts of ourselves in order for the True Self to blossom. We’ve avoided this for years, usually unconsciously, and we’ve suffered from the consequences of this avoidance. We come to see that we won’t enjoy the fulfillment of living as our True Selves until we face and get free from the roots of the wounded parts from childhood.

With our Higher Powers’ help, and support from our fellow travelers, we practice a gentle and gradual process of peeling the layers of the onion to find the core of our pain and, paradoxically, to find the joy of our True Self. It’s an organic process unique to each of us, yet we’re supported in a unified approach that integrates the Steps, our Higher Power, and our Inner Child.

On this day I have the courage to face what’s necessary so I can realize the promise of my True Self.”

My Experience:

For years I knew there was something wrong, something I couldn’t put my finger on.  What I didn’t know is that I was numb to life and unable to experience true joy as there was a part of me that was deeply wounded.  I was very harsh on myself if I was not perfect.  When we bought a house several years ago, there was a dead tree in the yard.  A couple of years later this tree fell during a particularly windy day.  I beat myself up about this.  I told myself, I should have teased that out and known that the tree would someday fall.  The tree was dead, which means the roots were dead, which then I should have extrapolated that the tree would fall.  How stupid of me!  You can see how this vicious cycle of self-hate can continue.  I have now gotten in touch with my True-Self/Inner-Child and the self-hate and self-berating has become less and less.  I can now feel true joy at times as well as many other emotions.  Most importantly, I have allowed my creativity to come out in ways that I didn’t know I could.  I have taken up writing poetry and prose, I explore alternative forms of recreation, I even travel more.  These are all ways that I am allowing myself to live and not just exist.  What a blessing!

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