TRAIT TWELVE
Oct 27, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.” BRB p. 17
“We held on to relationships that died years ago. We were ashamed that we couldn’t stand up for ourselves, but we told ourselves that at least we had somebody. It was a roller coaster – things got worse, then better, then even worse than before. We were going deeper and deeper down a never-ending hole with no light, and we were running out of time.
Today we breathe the crisp cool air of discovery in the sunlight of ACA. We choose to be honest with ourselves and others because it’s become a habit for us, one that was born out of our Step work and calm commitment to the program that guides us through the once-dark regions of our lives. We hide from no one.
We are alive, whole, and sane, and we like it. If someone wants to leave our life, we let them go. In ACA, we’ve learned we cannot do for others what they will not do for themselves. When we let things die, there’s room for more love and new growth. We celebrate the old and the new, seeing their connection to our spiritual health.
On this day I will do the work to heal my past and learn to focus on the healthy things I’ve begun to experience. I will let go and let my Higher Power in.”
My experience:
How very true. When I look back, I have been in situations that I should have let die. I tried to hang on because I was afraid of feeling even more abandonment. But the damage to my soul was not worth it. I always felt that if I just performed better they would stay. So I would come up with some grand gesture and they would stay. The problem is, I could only continue to top the previous grand gesture for so long. If I would have just been authentic and allowed my true self to show, if they could not appreciate who I was, then so be it. This is the conundrum of the unhealed. You want people to love you for who you are, but when there is even the slightest hint of trouble, we, at least I, go into damage control mode. This is where I get even more inauthentic, more people pleasing, etc. This behavior weighs heavy on your heart and on your soul. Program has allowed me to better see the value in identifying my authentic self and living authentically. If those around choose not to be around anymore, then I will accept that as they don’t love me for me. However gut-wrenching this reality is, in the long run it is better for me. The peeling of the onion is rough sometime, but needed for ultimate healing. Join me on this journey.
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