TRAIT FIVE

April 26, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.” BRB p.14

“This Trait was hard for some of us to relate to. “Don’t call us victims,” we thought. “We made it through hell and back. We were tough. “The idea that we marched through the world choosing sick people was almost offensive.

It took a while to come out of our denial. We learned about para-alcoholism and codependency and that, without help, we were destined to continue recreating the past.

We started seeing the truth in our daily lives – how our feelings of hopelessness very often had come from thoughts like, “The world is too big for me to handle,” and “I just can’t make it.”  We recognized that we felt like   victims who were being taken advantage of. We noticed how we habitually avoided people who seemed self-confident because we didn’t know how to talk to them, and they didn’t seem to “need” us. We’d felt uncomfortable around them but didn’t know why.

When we understand that we are truly powerless over other people, but not ourselves, we discover our willingness to change. The 12 Steps give us a blueprint to follow to become self-confident and assertive – the very type of person we had always avoided but secretly wanted to be all those years. We begin to attract others who are self-confident.

On this day I will be aware when I feel unequal to others. I will stop and affirm that I am just as important as everyone else.”

My Experience:

“Fake it until you make it,” that is what they say.  I have been faking it forever and it just got to be too much.  When was I going to make it?  When was I truly going to feel confident enough to not think of myself as a victim?  When was I going to stop gladiating and just enjoy the here and now?  When my Higher Power stepped in, that is when!!

The Rescue

Like Carol Ann my inner child needed liberation

Determined as I might, I could not provide the salvation

Gladiator tendencies seemed to help back then

But as the years piled, the effectiveness thinned

Pleading for help this inner being loudly spoke

I could not be bothered and was not awoke

Comprehension did not exist that the child was there

So I lived my life alone and scared as if no one cared

Then one day I felt a spirit step to my side

Told me there was a mission to help a small child

My gladiator suited up and was ready to battle thee

What I didn’t know is that this child was the former me

So it took a little longer to formulate a plan

How could an inner child exist, I did not understand

But the Higher Power refused to let this issue rest

So into the room of recovery I went at his behest

Once understood that I had this being inside

I was on a rescue mission to have the child unhide

Into combat I went, slaughtering all the demons before me

As the onion was peeled, more challenges presented thee

In the cauldron of battle I continued to slay

The gladiator tendencies defeated them all by the way

With the mission half over and his location now known

Comes the voyage back, so he can become grown

The child has been located and is closer to freedom

The end to this harrowing saga is starting to become

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