TRAIT ELEVEN

Sept 30, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

‘”We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.” BRB p. 15

“Many of us habitually experienced critical thoughts in our heads all our lives. If anyone suggested that we “think positive thoughts,” we tried. Sometimes it made us feel better, but it didn’t last. We still found ourselves getting stuck and believing the critical voice inside. We thought that something must be wrong with us, but we certainly didn’t want others to know how bad we felt and how hard we were on ourselves.

Then we came to ACA, we identified with Trait 11 right away. “Yes, I definitely judge myself harshly,” we thought.  “But you mean I’m not alone in this curse? You mean I don’t have to be ashamed of this because thousands, if not millions of others do this, too?”

In this program we find hope.  We learn there is a Solution: to become our own loving parent. We learn what being a loving parent means and begin to practice reparenting ourselves. And just as with all parenting skills, we know that it takes practice to get it right. But it can eventually become as natural as our harsh self-judgment once was.

On this day I will practice reparenting myself with gentleness and self-love. This includes forgiving myself if I slip and find myself being self-critical.”

My Experience:

I was very critical of myself.  Everything was my fault and I should have known everything.  A few years ago we bought a house and there was an obviously dead birch tree in the front yard.  About 2 years later this birch tree was blown over, luckily it didn’t hit the house, but rather blew towards the street into the neighbor’s yard. I blamed myself.  I told myself that I should have teased that out in my mind that the tree was dead, the roots were dead making the tree unsteady and of course a good wind would blow it over.  I should have cut that tree down before now.  Wow!  Really!  Today I don’t take that blame.  Things happen and they are not my fault.  I take and own what is mine but I no longer take the blame for others.  I am not perfect in this pursuit, but I do catch myself pretty quickly if I start to blame and judge myself harshly which brings me back to a place of serenity. 

Work the program, work the steps and you too will find serenity you have never known!

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