TRADITION FIVE

 Dec 12, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“I give it away to keep it – recovery.”  BRB p. 513

When we come to ACA, we are hurting.  We find others like ourselves.  Because we learn to trust these people, we gradually allow ourselves to open up and share our deepest secrets. 

But in some cases, people we’ve grown close to leave, and we feel abandoned, just as in our childhoods. We wonder if we should go, too. Maybe we’ve done all we can and should move on; maybe this ACA program isn’t the answer to everything; maybe we aren’t having the big “aha” moments anymore.

So why should we stay when others might not?  Because this abandonment we feel is different; we are using new tools that help us work through these feelings.  Everyone doesn’t have the same path, and we can feel sad when people leave and hope they find what works for them.  But for us, ACA is the healthy choice.  We decide to stay, first for ourselves and then for others.  We give back what we’ve gotten to the next person who comes through the door.  These are our peers.  We may not all look and act alike, but it’s amazing the help we can give one another.  By being there for others in recovery, we learn more about ourselves.

My experience:

I always get a kick out of watching the “newcomer” in the meeting.  I watch as the rollercoaster of emotions ebbs and flows.  First there is this look of curiosity as the “problem”, “solution”, “steps”, etc. are read.  You can tell they are recognizing, at least some of these readings apply to them. Then as we read the Big Red Book, or listen to someone’s chair, there is this look of amazement that in that what is being read may sound like them and how they walk through their lives.  They cannot believe what they are hearing, and briefly wonder has someone been following them around and chronicling their lives. As they scan the room, they see people smiling, crying and nodding in agreement and they are wondering how this place exists.  The strongest emotions reveal themselves as the meeting opens for everyone to share. They are astonished to hear things coming out of the mouths of several individuals that may have happened to them, the feelings they have felt, or the emotions they have bottled up.  They understand, for the first time in their life, they are not alone.  These people understand.  They will not judge you for being abused, they will not place blame on you for your mistakes, they will allow you to cry.  In fact, as you cry, they will offer a warm touch, a tissue, or maybe even a hug. You will realize this is the place you should have been your whole life.  As the meeting progresses and more and more people share, you may even get to a place of anger.  Angry because no one has ever told you about this place.  Angry because if you had known about this 5, 10, 20 years ago, how different your life might be and how much pain you would have avoided.  Maybe not this first meeting but definitely in subsequent meetings, you will realize that your Higher Power had been watching over you for years and brought you to this meeting once you hit a bottom and could truly appreciate it.  You get it now, you are here because you are ready to be here. 

I share this meeting experience because I truly believe “I give it away to keep it – recovery”

I invite you to join me!