THE DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM

April 30, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Since alcoholism is a family disease, all family members are affected without having to take a drink. With an amazing predictability, the children grow up to be addicted or to marry an addicted or compulsive person.” BRB p. 13

“We may have been conscious of the effects of the alcoholic on our lives. Or more likely, we denied that their disease had any effect on us.

Slowly the veils of denial were lifted as we saw how, like it or not, we had been impacted by the disease, even if the alcoholic had been removed from the home. We may have unconsciously found a new and improved alcoholic personality type with which to continue the crazy-making game of dissociation.

When we attend ACA meetings, we seem to have an innate sense that the meeting space is safe as we speak honestly about what we are feeling and experiencing. We begin to see the patterns and habits in all of our relationships – that the dysfunction can spring from our lips without us even noticing it. We become more aware of the unhealthy choices we make, both consciously and unconsciously, and we choose different options.

0n this day I acknowledge that I was affected by the family disease of alcoholism. I will pay attention to the patterns and habits I had denied so that I don’t continue to repeat them.”

My Experience:

What I realized is that I needed to analyze every thought and word that formulated in my mind or attempted to come out of my mouth.  Why?  Because these responses were borne out of my alcoholic upbringing.  I needed to determine was what I was about to say a “normal” response or was it a “normal” response to abnormal situations.  In retrospect I can see that oftentimes my responses were so over the top, it did not fit the circumstance.  So analyzing my responses now seems reasonable, especially those first thoughts and words that materialize.  When I pause and take a look at what I am about to say, I often determine that, no the person in front of me does not deserve to be spoken to with such venom.  The problem is, I don’t know any better.  I have now started saying things like, “this may come out wrong so I apologize in the beginning,” or “I am not sure what to say here” to let people know that I simply want to have a conversation, not a battle.  I look forward to the days when I can simply start a conversation and not have to think so much about my words.  Thank you ACA!!

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