THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE: INTRO CONTINUED
My last entry provided you a glimpse of what got me here. A recognition that I had a problem. Information that there could be help out there, and me taking the leap of faith to find that help. The journey has been difficult. By difficult I mean, having to admit I have a problem, having to admit that my childhood was not “normal”, allowing myself to get in touch with feelings that I probably never ever acknowledged before, and asking for help to seek a better life.
Interestingly during this same time that I entered the rooms of recovery I also sought out a counselor. I initially went to a counselor that I had seen in the past. However, in my readings it was suggested that you seek out a counselor who knows something about childhood trauma and recovery and/or the ACA program. At the very least have some knowledge of 12-step recovery programs. So, when I asked my counselor if they had any of that experience and they answered, “no” I knew I had to seek out another. After weeks of searching I found a counselor that intimately knew about the program. So, this counselor was able to help me walk through the emotions that I was feeling in response to the meetings I was attending.
You all may not know that I am a poet. You can get my book, “A Gladiator’s Journey” on Amazon, as it details my recovery journey through poetry. During my recovery process I have been able to write some very intense poems. I had written a few poems previously, but now poems were flowing out of me. I have been able to tap into a different part of me that allows me to release emotions through poetry. Some may release through other art forms such as songwriting, painting, pottery, or a whole plethora of other mediums. The healing journey for me has allowed me to not be so guarded, not be concerned with perfection, and just allow myself to be. I now believe that some form of artist is in all of us if we can just allow ourselves to be and let the art flow.
The poem you are about to read called “It Does Exist” is about going through the struggle to get you to the place you are today. You cannot have arrived where you are today unless you have gone through the things you did. I understand that not everyone has decided to take a healing journey and cannot fully appreciate where they are today. But a different existence is out there for you, all you have to do is reach out for it and take the journey. If you take the leap of faith down the healing path, you will be able to better appreciate the struggles you have encountered along the way.
IT DOES EXIST
Mysterious the existence beyond the realm
Travel to with whom at the helm
Ideations that possessions will get us there
Not even other souls will do that here
This is next level stuff for you to see
Something way beyond the comprehension of thee
When you get there, emotions run deep
Appreciation of life from an alternative peep
You can now sit with your tormentor and ask
No emotions exists, no too large a task
This knowledge is needed to get you through
Let’s you get in touch with the grief that you grew
Scary as that is, it is truly a must
Ensuring that your trauma is intimately touched
You must surrender which is not easy to do
Especially given all the chaos you’ve gone through
The hell of fire, the acid rain
All the arrows cast and all the pain
But the joint of the limb you will have to bend
If you want to travel into the realm’s end
The worth of the struggle I am beginning to see
To have arrived in this place I am glad I am me
My next several posts will be comments about “The Body Keeps the Score” as I found it quite fascinating and it provided me more insight on my recovery journey. In the next few weeks I will provide you with my interpretations of the book and how it helped me to see what happened and to further my healing process.