SURRENDER
Sept 1, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We must find a way to surrender and to become teachable.” BRB p. 156
At each meeting we see ourselves in the ACA Problems as it is read aloud. We identify with the Traits and know the pain they have wrought. We hear the Solution and want to see it working in our lives. We took the difficult step of walking through the door into our first meeting and gathered the courage to return again and again
In order to recover we must trust in the process by admitting that we cannot heal alone. By listening to our brothers and sisters in ACA, we learn something new and realize we do not have all of the answers. We can know the Problem and Solution in our heads, but without help, many of us will have great difficulty knowing it in our hearts, where it truly matters.
We learn to let down the walls of isolation we have so carefully constructed and allow ourselves a measure of vulnerability in order to work the Steps. We surrender our old ways of being and trust that our Higher Power is leading us to greater levels of growth.
On this day I practice trust by surrendering to the recovery process. I open my heart and thereby open myself to healing.”
My Experience:
In the beginning of each ACA meeting “The Problem” is read. As a newcomer it was very hard to hear that someone had a list of all the things wrong with me. But it was also comforting to know that there were people in this world that truly understood. “The Traits” were equally onerous for me as I had have never heard anything like this before. Then my mind was completely blown with “The Solution.” I heard it and the words seemed simple, but how was I to achieve? That was the scary part. How will I achieve or get through this?
Before entering the room, I had been dependent on myself to work things out or not. I felt that I could not rely on anyone, lest of all the adults in my life. I could trust no one with my feelings, I could not identify my feelings, I was numb as I had been stepped on or over for so long. But then I looked into the eyes of those people sitting next to me and heard the conviction in their voice, I started to believe that something better could be around the corner, in that very first meeting!!
But then I had to leave that space and go back out into the cruel world. After a day or so, I sort of forgot about what I had just experienced. That is why I had to keep coming back and read suggested material. Most of all I had to brace myself for the wave of emotions that I had never allowed myself to feel. Because as I surrendered to the recovery process, the wave came.
As a person that has at least a little time in the program, you must surrender to the process, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable. It will prove to be invaluable to you.
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