STUCK GRIEF
March 23, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“My ACA counselor understood what I was trying to do. She helped me understand my loss or the pain of my ‘stuck grief’ through the Fourth and Fifth Steps.” BRB p. 150
“The ‘stuck grief’ is very difficult to dislodge because we keep up an endless array of defenses to keep it stuck. We can experience an overabundance of anger, sadness, food, shopping, underachieving, sloppiness, procrastination or cleanliness – a list that only skims the surface of how many ways we can keep our grief embedded.
Difficult as it may seem, the defenses and resistances we have deployed to protect us can be addressed and lowered and lessened after being in the program for a while. With regular attendance at meetings and the use of a fellow traveler or an ACA counselor, we find the strength to allow ourselves to become vulnerable.
As we continue on this new path, we develop greater trust and lessen our fear, which allows us to delve into a Fourth and Fifth Step and dislodge our ‘stuck grief.’ Like an un-stuck jam of logs, our grief begins to flow again down the river of our daily lives. We let the natural currents gently and slowly release it into the ocean of our Higher Power’s love for us.
On this day I will work with my fellow traveler or ACA counselor to develop trust and lose the fear of dislodging my ‘stuck grief,’ knowing that the flow will be set by my Higher Power in whom I have developed trust.”
My Experience:
Interestingly, I am working on my 4th and 5th steps and yes I am stuck. I am working with a sponsor who is helping me through and asking me to dig deeper into the resentments that I hold. My counselor has also mentioned some resentments that I could possibly be holding onto that need to be brought into the light and examined. Funny how my Higher Power works in this way!! The reason why these resentments need to be brought forth is so that I can deal with them and move past them as they are currently keeping me stuck in the past. Intellectually I understand that when I hold onto the hurts from the past I am stuck to those events and those people. I have already experienced dealing with and letting go of some things and becoming unstuck, but the deeper I dig and the greater the hurt, the harder it is to shine a light on it, deal with it and ultimately letting it go. But I am working on it. I have supportive and loving people keeping me focused to get through it, even during those times I just want to give up because it is so hard. I know I will make it through to the other side.
Excalibur
As the blacksmith seizes the steel he heats
Hammer and metal the two do meet
For the Smith, a new path he is simply forging
For the metal, the beating is misunderstanding
Back into the heat it verily goes
Only to endure more pounding whilst in the throes
The beauty of all this banging begins to take shape
A wondrous form it does take
Then the cool bath to harden it still
And then the finishing touches to make it real
Thus goes the path of dysfunction and recovery
Excalibur is the result for all to see.
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