STEP TWO

Feb 3 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” BRB p. 130

“When we heard “restore us to sanity,” some of us tried to remember when we had ever even felt sane. We had lived obsessed with control and were addicted to our families of origin. Step Two was a revelation when we realized how the dysfunction and insanity of our childhoods had affected us.

Our inventories and Step work guided us on the journey inward that would lead to our True Selves. We saw that we needed to allow the long-suppressed emotions and voices to surface.

The voices came from our Inner Child; we learned that our insanity had kept us from paying attention. But we needed to hear our full story, so we began to listen. This helped us step out of our shaming shadows and into the light. We began to realize that our personal Higher Power had been there inside of us to guide us all along.  We were finally learning to embrace our feelings and not cover them up with addictions.

As we continued to recover, we realized that feeling sane meant taking care of ourselves not just emotionally, but physically, too. For some of us, this was a first.

On this day I will have faith in a power greater than myself. I will give myself permission to explore what that is for me, no matter what it looks like for others.”

My experience:

This is the step I came to embrace!  It probably saved my life.  I was going insane and here is Step Two that not only guides me to believe in a Power greater than myself but it also allowed me to define that Power.  You see, when I grew up the Higher Power or God was a punishing being.  If you didn’t do the right thing all the time then you would eternally burn in hell.  I wanted no parts of that.  But I can define my Higher Power as a loving being that is here to take care of me and restore me to sanity and clarity.  The weight was lifted from my shoulders the day that I heard that.  I no longer had to be all for everyone.  There was a being that could carry me across the sand.

The Walk

Survival of this journey I have had to endure

Healing of my heart and mind is what I seek to cure

I conferred with my Higher Power and it was relayed to me

Through all your trials you must trust and I will guide thee

The footprints in the sand were an enduring sight

I tried and tried to believe with all my might

As I noticed but one set of prints in the sand that I see

I had come to believe that my Higher Power had forsaken me

Through the sands of time beginning with one grain

I truly believed that I walked alone in this porous rain

How could I be so arrogant and oh so blind

To have a belief that those footprints were all mine

I have come to realize that I have walked one step for your every ten

I am not even sure when all this carrying began

Was it at birth before chaos and all

Or was at ten when the earthly family did stall

Maybe it was ELHI when I thought all was known

Potentially after that when I felt I was grown. 

What I really needed was to acknowledge and see

That in order to survive I needed help from thee

You guided me to this ACA family that has embraced me so whole

That healing is what I am beginning to feel in my soul

Thank you to my new family for the support and love

For guidance mine eyes will now forever look up above.