STEP TEN

March 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

We learn to take a balanced view of our behavior, avoiding the tendency to take too much responsibility for the actions of others.” BRB p.251

“We didn’t learn balance in our families of origin. Most of us became either super-responsible or super­ irresponsible. There didn’t seem to be much of a middle ground.

Those of us who were super-responsible often believed we were in charge of everyone else. In the process, we didn’t learn to focus on ourselves.

In Step Four we identify our problematic behaviors. As we continue to work the Steps, we increase our awareness of those behaviors and how they affect our relationships with other people. We examine our demands, our criticisms, and our negativity. We inventory our past feelings and motives so we can separate our own dysfunction from that of our family of origin. We begin reparenting ourselves to replace the lack of nurturing and the imbalance we grew up with.

When we regularly practice Step Ten, we are able to stay current. Learning to keep the scales balanced, we acknowledge our feelings and act purposefully in situations, thereby gaining emotional sobriety. We celebrate our lives as they become more sane and manageable.

On this day I will identify my feelings and focus on my own needs, I will practice balance with my responsibilities to others and my responses to the situations I face.”

My Experience:

My imbalance was displayed by me giving/providing for everyone else and then when I couldn’t take it anymore, I would blow up.  This blow up of course made me look like an asshole and made it look like I always wanted or got my way.  In reality I was trying to people please all the time.  I wanted everyone to be comfortable, to have their needs met, etc.  In reality, there could have been a balance.  I could have wanted them to have what they needed/wanted, but I could have been able to do the same.  I, in effect, was on the losing end of the zero-sum game.  With the simple act of me being able to identify this issue, I no longer give to the point that I have nothing left for me.  I still want people to have and do the things they want, but I no longer give to the point of giving up my hopes, dreams, and wants.  I walk through my life so much differently today and what a blessing that is. 

Blog:  www.bkcoates.com

Instagram:  bkcoates

Facebook: brian coates

Twitter: @cornbread182