STEP ONE
Sept 22, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
We run about attempting to control others and situations in an effort to avoid our own unmanageable lives.” BRB p. 104
“The need to try to control the people and things around us can be so strong. We may have this idea in our minds about how things “should” be. If only life were a certain way, we could feel good about ourselves. So we feel compelled to make the “should” a reality.
We push and prod and manipulate to try to get others to do what we want, completely missing the fact that we have to clean up our own house first. In the meantime, the harder we push, the crazier we feel because others never quite measure up to our ideals.
Step One tells us that control over others is a myth. Even though some things may change as a result of our efforts, we leave a lot of wreckage in our wake. Until we realize our powerlessness, until we realize the only ones we can truly change are ourselves, we will continue on a downward spiral, often driving the ones we care about from our lives, whether that happens emotionally, physically or both. It’s a paradox of this program that only by admitting our powerlessness can we gain true manageability in our lives.
On this day I will remember to focus on myself and the changes I can make in my own life. I let others be so they can find their own path, even if it isn’t the one I would choose for them.”
My experience:
It is hard to admit that which you have done for a lifetime, like looking at others situation and providing “suggestions” for what they should do, could be seen as you controlling. But when I honestly examine, control is what I was trying to exert. This of course has led to a lot of wreckage, broken relationships, damaged psyche’s, ruined friendships, etc. I even know there are people that didn’t want to be around me because of the way I acted. That hurts me deeply to know that I caused all this pain in my wake. Today, I know that I can only control/change myself. I now take a look at my role in things and make what I believe to be appropriate changes. Now, I leave open the possibility that I am wrong in my change because I am not perfect, but I will attempt to offer some sort of amends nonetheless. When I feel myself providing unsolicited advice I refer to step one so I can acknowledge that I am powerless and that my life is unmanageable so I have no business trying to control what others do. “Not my monkey, not my circus.”
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