STEP FOUR
Jan 22 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
Without knowing the meaning of the abandonment encoded within the past, the adult child is doomed to repeat it. The unexamined past becomes the future of the next generation.” BRB p.154
Many of us came from other Twelve Step programs, and our experiences with the Fourth Step may not have been positive. Like medicine, it was something we took because we were supposed to. It didn’t feel like an action of love, but rather like a listing of how we were defective people. We were confused by this, but we did as we were told.
When we arrived at ACA, we may have carried that Fourth Step baggage and cringed at the thought of doing another one. What in the world could we be blamed for about our childhood? How could we be at fault?
But we began the work anyway. We may have been confused when we started, but we soon saw that this would be a completely different experience. We answered the questions in the Fourth Step exercises, which gave us a well-rounded view of what actually happened to us. We began to see the reasons why we act the way we do today, and why we could not have turned out differently.
This was an amazing discovery. We now believe with great hope that we can recover from the effects of our dysfunctional childhood so that we can leave a new legacy for future generations.
On this day I affirm my commitment to examining my past so that I can help change the path of my future and the future of those close to me.”
My experience:
When I started my step work, I had a lot of anxiety about step four and beyond as I knew I would have to take a personal inventory of my wrongs. As I now approach step four, my feelings have changed. I needed to experience the first three steps in order to lessen the anxiety of step four and beyond. It will be hard to admit to some of my past behavior, but it will help that I have a caring and loving sponsor to help me be gentle with myself as I admit these wrongs and help me see that my childhood formulated the responses I have historically given so I really had no other choice at that time to respond how I did. I look forward to recovering from those choices and learning new, more loving responses to build relationships and not tear them down. But it is going to take a massive amount of effort on my part to get there.
WADING THROUGH MY SOUL
Digging and clawing deep into the soul of the abyss
I have to stagger through the gloom to get to the lightness
My scrawling’s at best have a somber slant
Intimating that my joy and happiness just can’t
Be revealed, is inaccurate and a misnomer at best
I will get there soon and be able to revel and rest
I will most assuredly celebrate in the joy I will share
I just have to wade through the darkness in order to get there