STEP EIGHT

August 3, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.’” BRB p. 227

Making an amends list is part of wiping the slate clean for ourselves and walking into a new way of life.  Many of us had been part of physically and emotionally unsafe relationships as adults, and we knew we eventually had to own our part in those relationships.

As we made our amends list, we were told to put ourselves first.  In doing so, we thought about all the things we had lost, most importantly our childhoods, and what that meant for us.  Even though we missed the stages of child development we were entitled to, we realized we could nurture ourselves and help make up for that loss.

In making amends to ourselves, we acknowledge any self-harm we have done, including not forgiving ourselves for simply being human.  Then we move on to amends to others, knowing we aren’t being asked to make amends to unsafe people.

Taking Step Eight helps us grow spiritually and emotionally.  Whatever amends we eventually make, it’s a healing process.  As part of this process, we continue to work on the character defects that have placed us in the position of making amends in the first place.  We go forward in confidence and love to whatever comes next. 

On this day I will stay current with the amends I owe myself, and then work with those I may owe others.

My Experience:

Making a list of all the persons that I had harmed equated to me admitting to myself where I was wrong.  Admitting my faults and wrongs is something I had rarely done.  But now I was asked to admit my wrongs and the wrongs I have done to others.  This was extremely painful.  But what I realized through this process, I did not get struck down for these admissions, no one came and took away my freedom; no one pulled out a gun and shot me.  What happened during this process was something I never would have expected; I felt this huge sense of relief.  I had taken this monkey off my back.  I had finally admitted to myself that I was not perfect.  After this admission, I felt lighter, happier and safer as I was no longer guarding this secret. 

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