STAYING PRESENT
Sept 24, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We learn to be in the moment and to be present in our bodies. We learn that our thoughts can end.” BRB p. 266
“When we got to ACA, we may have never felt what it was like to be in our bodies and experience our feelings. We may have had extreme emotion, but we didn’t know how to feel our feelings. The sense of panic that often washed over us seemed so familiar we may not have noticed it for what it was.
As we became full participants in our meetings, learning to bare our souls, we began to crack. Sometimes this was painful, but we knew we didn’t have to go through the pain alone. We made phone calls and did the work. We asked a fellow traveler to work the Steps with us. We believed other ACAs when they said we were not alone. We gathered the courage to sit through the pain of withdrawal from what was keeping us tied up inside. Maybe for the first time we felt the shame and abandonment from our childhood – they were like ticking time bombs inside of us. As our bodies unwound, we learned not to panic.
We gained trust in ourselves and our Higher Power. We moved out of our pain and the mental and physical lethargy that may have held us down. We accepted that we weren’t perfect and life got better. We became authentic in our words and actions.
On this day I will not travel this journey alone. When I need help, I know I have my fellow ACAs and my Higher Power.”
My experience:
Wow, they hit the nail on the head with, “we may have had extreme emotion, but we didn’t know how to feel our feelings.” This was me in a nutshell. This became my normal. So to the outside world it may have appeared as though I was extreme, but to me it was my normal as I didn’t know how to handle or display any other emotion other than anger. Now I understand that when I am angry this is most likely a secondary emotion that is attempting to mask the true emotion. Be it fear, disappointment, hurt, embarrassment, etc. I now identify and sit with my real emotion. It is incredibly painful to sit with these emotions. Through my step work, talking with my sponsor and fellow traveler, talking with my counselor, reading material, etc., they have all been instrumental in getting me to stay present even when it is uncomfortable. This has allowed me to work through the emotion and then formulate words when I need to speak to someone else about what I am feeling and their role. I find myself talking to my Higher Power more and more to get me through these episodes as well. This helps me move out of the pain and move into a space where I better understand my true emotion and then I am able to better formulate ideas on how to better process and deal with the situation at hand. Because I am staying present not only do I get to work though some painful issues, I get to better appreciate those things in life that bring me great joy. I am so very thankful for this program!!
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