SPONTANEOUS FEELINGS

Dec 2, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“No longer willing or able to suppress my feelings, they came up effusively and erratically.” BRB p. 409

“When we entered our first meetings, we may have felt numb.  Then, as we kept coming back, suddenly it felt like a roller coaster, with feelings flying blindly around a corner without warning.

As we progress in recovery, we learn to acknowledge all of our feelings and be unafraid.  We don’t put limits on how much we allow ourselves to feel.  Whatever comes up for us at the moment is okay.  We do not pretend we are fine when we are not.  Claiming our truth becomes a basic need for us.  We no longer allow others to try to shut us down when they’re uncomfortable.

We maintain conscious contact with a Higher Power through our personal spiritual awakening, whatever form that takes. We cultivate affirming and soothing self-talk in the form of our inner loving parent – the parent we always deserved.

Recovery unfolds for us gently over time as we see each new direction we need to take, and then we seize it and run.  We trust ourselves and our intuition.  Our feelings are not overwhelming – they are what they are.

On this day I will allow my feelings to safely wash over me.  This will give me the strength to be genuine with myself and others. 

My experience:

“How are things?” “Fine, and you?” “Things are good, thanks for asking” I have had this same polite conversation daily for probably as long as I could talk and those reading this probably have too.  But things are not fine and you know it.  The problem is, I was afraid to opine on what was really going on for fear folks would ostracize me or not even care. 

Today, this conversation is much different with at least some of those in my life and eventually all those that I continue to maintain in my life.  Conversations now start off with, “how are things?” Well, [insert problem] is going on for me and it is making me feel this way.  We talk about it and then move to the next topic when we are ready.  Consequent conversations go like this, “hey how is [insert problem] going?”  I now answer wholly and honestly.  It is so refreshing to not have to hide what is going on with me.  Those that cannot handle this “new” me I guess will go by the wayside.  Those that can will stay.  I cannot be concerned about managing others feelings anymore. I must take care of myself.  Join me on this quest to take better care of ourselves.