SIBLINGS

July 9, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“We are not responsible for rescuing, saving, or healing our parents or siblings who remain mired in family dysfunction. We can detach with love and begin the gradual process of learning about boundaries.” BRB p.102

“Our relationships with our siblings were usually complicated growing up. If our parents were ‘at war’ with each other, it meant we were often ‘at war’ with each other. It’s what we learned; it’s what we lived!

As adults, still caught up in this all-consuming family dysfunction, we were in each other’s business and knew what was best for the others, even if they didn’t. We often gossiped about each other, formed alliances and competed with each other.

When we began to find a better life in ACA, some of us jumped right to the Twelfth Step and decided it was now our job to rescue our siblings because now we really knew the answers. But the Program tells us otherwise. If we are to find true recovery, we have to do the hard work for ourselves and detach from our family, setting healthy boundaries. If not, we’ll continually struggle with ways to save them.

When we stop and really listen to ourselves, we see that doing these things is not what recovery is about. All of these “fixes” are no different than the way we’ve always operated. We learn to let go, realizing we can’t heal them. We must release them to find their own way.

On this day I will remember that my true recovery lies in my ability to detach, set boundaries, and heal myself first.”

My Experience:

Healing myself has been the goal from the beginning.  I understood early on that I could not heal others, whether that was sibling, kids, etc.  Through my healing process I believe that these folks now see my recovery and wonder how they too can recover.  I will always be here for them to help them down the path when they want to, but I will not push.

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