SEXUAL ABUSE
July 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We release the shame we have carried surrounding the sexual abuse.” BRB p. 233
“Those of us who were sexually abused often gravitate to self-destructive behaviors to numb the pain and shame. With meetings and the help of our Higher Power, we gradually shed some of the behaviors that keep us stuck. If we have acted out sexually, we learn respect for ourselves and others; if the use of pornography has brought us shame and guilt, we look honestly at its effect and let it go, one day at time; if we have numbed ourselves with “socially acceptable” pastimes, like TV and computer games, we learn to find balance.
Some of us who are connected financially to our perpetrators begin to take steps to become financially independent of them, letting go of their control.
In recovery, we honor our Inner Children who survived the abuse by learning how to play again, by giving them a voice and listening to them, especially around sexual thoughts. We let them know that it’s okay to talk, to trust and to feel. We let them know we are there for them, and that they come first – that they don’t have to be sexual to be loved.
On this day I will remember that as I work my program, I am rescuing myself and no longer allowing the abuse to control my life.”
My Experience:
I am learning to respect myself and others as I have been able to name the hurt, face the pain, release the anger, and forgive.
UNTITLED
You shattered my safety you seized my innocence
I could no longer wallow in my youthful bliss
Though you were unknown when first we met
You were part of the clan and supposed to protect
But slithering you were waiting to cause me pain
Tears shed for years thinking I was to blame
Faith wasted away from those supposed to protect me
With that instead, I grew up angry
As my wrath increased, the trends I did buck
With me not a single person wanted to fuck
Even to this day the PTSD exists
My body reacts to this bygone innocence
I was naive and the elder I was made to trust
Never understanding you had an agenda about us
So this secret I held for so many years
Instilling in my core a surplus of fears
As I learn about forgiveness from the Bishop afar
I am told to have compassion of who you are
What in your humanity must have happened to you
Did you only echo what you saw and what you knew
On the innocent were you made to prey
What on Gods earth made you act this way
Did you not have a choice in all the insanity
Were you like me, part of the ACA family
Keeping that in mind I now take a different view
With my heart on my sleeve, today I forgive you.
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