SELF-SABOTAGE
August 27, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“I decided the only way to overcome this self-sabotage was to integrate my critical parent into my recovery process.” BRBp.207
“We tried to ignore our critical inner parent – that compilation of the voices we heard as children and were used to hearing in our heads. If it was too strong to ignore, we tried to fight it, but it always seemed to find a way to win.
In ACA, we learn to uncover why this critic has had such a strong hold on us. By acknowledging the trauma that’s behind the voices, we understand and gradually learn to substitute new behaviors so we can silence this tyrant in our heads.
This gives us freedom as we bring new light into our lives in little ways. We begin to trust ourselves, others, and our Higher Power. We have healthier relationships as we find ourselves attracted to the strengths and depth in people who can hold our feelings safely rather than trying to shut us down.
We let go of the dysfunctional people. While they may have taught us the lessons we needed to learn, we know that staying is toxic. In doing so, we feel no shame or remorse; it is time to move on. We are open to the next adventure.
On this day I will be aware of my attempts at self-sabotage because I believe in the promise of the growth ahead of me. I will use my lifeline – the support system that ACA gives me.”
My Experience:
I thought self-sabotage was just part of what people do. You know, things seem to be going well, then you think, “they are going a little too well.” Then the thought comes, “this can’t continue to go this way and get better and better, it will come crashing down sometime soon.” Now I don’t think I consciously did anything to sabotage, but in retrospect, I can see that the feelings that I had about things going too good led me to make decisions that sabotaged the good stuff. I just could not process the good feelings. It made me feel like I needed to do more and more to sustain the good stuff and I wasn’t going to be able to do it. I was going to be found out as a fraud. Just writing this truth freaks me out and I can feel my body reacting to these words. I am learning that I do deserve good stuff and that I don’t need to do anything to deserve it. I just need to walk a path of lightness, forgiveness, kindness, etc and anything that comes my way, it was supposed to. Scary still, but getting better and more accepting of this every day.
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