SELF-PROTECTION
March 21, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
Self-Protection
We learned to block or deny our feelings as children to protect ourselves from our unhealthy family.” BRB p. 343
Many of us were raised in homes where there wasn’t enough love. We weren’t encouraged to be ourselves and realize our true potential. We weren’t allowed to have normal feelings, so we became numb. We may have been shamed when we felt sad or angry, ridiculed when we showed fear, or shunned when we sought love and understanding from our parents. What we took away was that there was something wrong with us.
And there was some truth to that, but not in the way we thought. We knew how to feel shame, guilt, sadness and fear, but the main problem was we felt them when we didn’t need to.
Now, with the help of ACA, our meetings, and our sponsor or fellow traveler, we are given the chance to reparent ourselves. We learn how to feel without letting our feelings control us. We grow in self-confidence.
As our feelings surface, we begin to make decisions about how to handle them. Shall we speak our truth to those around us and try to work things out? Or shall we remain silent, either because the atmosphere is not safe or we don’t want to upset the apple cart? There is no one right way. We give ourselves permission to choose what’s best for us at the time. If we’re uncomfortable with our choice, we ask for help.
On this day I ask for the courage and honesty to recognize my true feelings and deal with them honestly and safely.
My Experience:
My self-protection was called “Anger.” I am now able to better assess what the situation calls for and not call on anger as my go to response. Because of this program, I have the courage to recognize my true feelings of hurt, embarrassment, not being good enough, etc., and know that I don’t have to confront the perpetrator if I feel like it is unsafe, I now have others with which I can express my true feelings to and get my needs met. I now realize that anger is not self-protective but rather self-destructive.
Anger was my shield
Seething, slow burn, fuming are all different names
They all resemble anger as it burst into flames
Batman had the bat mobile and his armor to adorn
Superman had a cape that shielded his form
My protection was called anger and it never failed me
Like the legendary Leonidas and his 300 mighty
Battle ready was I always to get down in the mix
Unequipped you come you better rethink this
Because if you dared to confront me ready you think
I would make an example of you quick as a blink
I couldn’t understand the viciousness of the attack
I would see red until you reeled all the way back
Then I would satisfy in the carnage presented before me
Didn’t matter who it was that lay beneath thee
But the ground that I stood on I would never yield
Because I always knew that anger was my shield
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