REPARENTING
Oct 18, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“With the Steps and by reparenting ourselves, we can further remove the ‘buttons’ that have been pushed by others to manipulate us or to get a reaction out of us.” BRB p.326
“As children, others manipulated us at will. Sometimes it seemed we were born to be used by others. We showed up for horrible people who sucked us dry of our courage and strength, because that is what we learned from our families. That’s what they told us we were meant for by the way they treated us every day.
As adults we now know we can set boundaries with those who abuse us. When we find that we have recreated an unmanageable situation at work, we get new jobs. We change our living arrangements when we find that we are once again living with addicts who keep us awake at night and need us to look after them.
In recovery, we make space to feel the anger and shame that were handed to us in our childhoods, and we heal. We may even detach from abusive family members permanently if that’s what it takes to maintain serenity.
On this day I will write down what I want my life to be like as a way of turning things over to my Higher Power.”
My experience:
Reparenting for me is identifying those things you wish were given to you as a youngster and now providing those things for yourself. If you are harsh on yourself, you, probably like me, were treated harshly and wish you had someone to provide you some gentleness. So I am gentle with myself now. No longer do I tell myself that I was dumb for doing this or that, or that I should have known better, or that it was my fault. It is what it is and I now have information for which to move forward with. No worries! If you find yourself being unkind to yourself, you, like I, probably were shown that along the way. So now I am kind to me. I don’t beat myself up for not choosing “correctly” or doing the “wrong thing.” Again it just is and if I determine that I wouldn’t want to do that again, then I make an effort to not do that thing again. If I am feeling unloved, then I look to see what my definition of love is, what I need and want, and then I provide that to myself. I don’t depend on others to take care of those needs and wants. If someone decides that is what they want to give to me that is great, but I no longer wait for them to mete out some scraps of love. I can detach from people that attempt to make me feel bad or are otherwise unkind; this is being loving to myself. Reparenting is a lifelong mission, but a mission that is completely worthwhile. Join me!
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