REPARENTING
August 12, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“The need to reparent ourselves comes from our efforts to feel safe as children.” BRB p. 83
“Because of our dysfunctional childhoods, we usually see things differently than others. We don’t feel all warm and fuzzy when we see a TV commercial where the salesperson loudly exclaims, “Come on in. We’ll treat you like family!” In our minds, that doesn’t sound like such a good thing, because our families weren’t safe. And when we feel compelled to buy a greeting card for a parent, we are grateful we can find something in the humor section rather than choose one that gushes with gratitude. But underneath the humor, there is a deep sadness.
In ACA, we learn to recognize the reality of our feelings. We make a choice that instead of remaining under the layers of dysfunction, we will take positive steps to reparent ourselves using the tools of ACA. These steps and the path we’re on may not always be crystal clear, but we keep coming back until we find where we need to go. Along the way, we grieve the loss of what might have been. And we work towards someday getting to a place of forgiveness, which will help us far more than anything else.
On this day I honor my feelings and the reality of what was in order to choose a new way of living and reparenting myself.”
My Experience:
Reparenting was a really difficult concept for me to grasp, until I started working the twelve steps. The twelve steps compels you to look at your past, things and people that hurt you, things and people you have hurt. It implores you to know you are not alone; you have a Higher Power which is and has always directed you. It allows you to give your past to that Higher Power and seek out how you would have liked to have been treated and how you would have treated others. It opens the door for you to identify and get in touch with feelings you didn’t even know existed. It takes you from the place you are and helps you to mature into new feelings, new ideas, new ways of living, the ability to recognize that you are important, you have choices and can set boundaries. You can choose who comes in and stays in your life and you can decide when you are done with the chaos and foolishness that had been your life and take a new path. These are all the things that you wished your earthly parents would have done for you, but like you, they provided to you what they had to give. No longer do I dwell in the what-if, I now see and aim for all the possibilities that exist in life. Won’t you join me!!
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