RELATIONSHIPS

Oct 20, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Adult children intuitively link up with other adult children in relationships and social settings.” BRB p.13

“No matter how much we told ourselves that we wouldn’t repeat the patterns of our parents, most of us reached adulthood and found ourselves inevitably attracted to others who came from similar backgrounds. It was like we could see each other in the dark, like we had some type of special radar. This didn’t just happen by accident. It was a well-established pattern that we saw all around us in childhood.

Through it all, we found ourselves clinging to the fairy tale that one day we would find Mister or Miss Right and we would magically live happily ever after. But we kept meeting the “wrong” ones. Our dysfunctional coping behaviors only allowed us to relate well to certain people. When we finally saw the writing on the wall, that things were not going to change unless we found the courage to change ourselves, we were lucky enough to get to an ACA meeting. There we found others like ourselves, but these others were doing the work to dig out from under their messy lives. As we listened to what they had learned, we became willing to make the journey that would require us to be truly honest with ourselves, perhaps for the first time. This journey will take us to where we are entitled to be – happy, joyous and free.

On this day I will have the courage to make the changes in my life that will make me whole. I will reach out and I know someone will be there.”

My experience:

There are so many of “us” out there it is easy to hook up with other adult children.  They usually speak to some sort of dysfunction you have.  They are compulsive or addicted in some way.  When I was not on my healing journey, I could not recognize that for what it was, an addiction that would always come first.  I of course had my own addiction that would always come first.  So then you have two people feeling lonely in a relationship because they were satiating their addictions without really realizing it.  I cannot make others change, but I have changed.  I recognize when I am tapping into my addiction.  I ask my Higher Power to help me through it, and I move on.  I make amends when I need to because I was not as successful as I would have liked to have been in processing through my addictive behavior, and I enjoy the serenity when I am able to process the feelings, understand what is going on with me, and focus on what needed to be focused on.  What a wonderful feeling to know I have the power to move through my addictive behavior and improve my relationships as a result. 

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