RECOVERY MESSAGE

Feb 5 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Hearing the message of recovery and hope from someone else fans the dim spark of aliveness we keep buried inside.” BRB p.359

When we got to recovery we may have been a mess. We may not have even known it then, but many of us were broken and on our last leg. We may have even tried to kill ourselves with drugs and alcohol at some point, or had unprotected sex with someone we didn’t know. We may have buried all our light because we felt we did not deserve to experience it.

We work today to dust off the source of light inside us that is a gift from our Higher Power. We pray and meditate, finding the lifesaving value of doing so. We learn the message of the Twelve Steps and the value of this amazing fellowship that is available to us, just for the asking. We are grateful for the tools of recovery. If we need to get abstinent in some way, we do that with the help of the Steps and a sponsor. We are no longer alone.

On this day I will reach out to whomever I need to help me remember and work through the trauma of my past. If there is something that is blocking me, I will do my part and then ask my Higher Power to remove it from my path.

My experience:

In a meeting I have heard it said, “I did not come in here on a winning streak.”  The same is true for me.  I was beaten and broken.  I couldn’t do it anymore.  I couldn’t carry everyone else’s burden and my burden.  Something was burdening me on the inside, and I didn’t even know what it was, but I knew I couldn’t carry it any longer.  I don’t think I ever tried to kill myself but I never minded dying.  In fact there was some comfort in the possibility of dying because I wouldn’t have to do “this” anymore.  I am grateful that my Higher Power sent a message to me utilizing the vessel where I was sure to listen, while watching some mind numbing show on television.  I cannot tell you the show, it may have even been some commercial, but they talked about Adult Children of Alcoholics and I remember saying to myself, “that sounds just like me.”  I ordered many books and read voraciously.  I could not believe what I was reading.  When I finally made it to a meeting, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I could not believe there were more people out there just like me, with the same struggles, same brokenness, etc.  Then when I heard that life could be better and here are the tools to help you, I was floored.  I could not believe that no one had told me about these resources before now.  It was a long while before I could stop being angry that I had never heard of this program before.  Now I understand that my Higher Power was waiting until he got me ready to hear the message and accept the help.  I am so very humbled and grateful for my Higher Power’s gentleness, tenderness, and patience with me.