RE-CREATION

Jan 19 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Yet, our children and relationships were still mired in our dysfunction. We recreated the abandonment and loss of our own childhood.” BRB p.21

Many of us tried to raise our families differently. But without ACA or another type of intervention, we were like our parents – we could only give what we had. This meant we made a lot of wrong choices. We may even have become alienated from our children, finding that they resented us, just as we resented our parents.

ACA presents us with a choice: stay and get better in a way that might someday repair our relationships, or feel hopeless and continue to fill ourselves with self-blame and shame.

If we choose ACA, we must let go of the fact that we didn’t find help earlier, when it could have prevented so much pain. We accept that change takes time, so we “get our heads on straight” and concentrate on taking care of ourselves. As we’re ready, we learn to be present in a healthy way for our children. If we’re separated from them, we hope they come back to us, but if they don’t, we continue to love them and pray they find their way.

On this day I will take care of myself first. Only then will I be available to my family if they ask for emotional support.”

My experience:

I remember when we were expecting our first child.  I remember thinking I will be different with them than what my experience was as a child.  Some things were different.  I tried to hug them and tell them I loved them every chance I got, I still do.  But other stuff was just inside me that I now understand I didn’t have control over without the help of ACA.  Unfortunately the damage has been done.  Since I have gotten into the ACA program, I have spent a lot of time wondering why I was not brought to this program earlier.  I do get relief knowing that it is a blessing that I got acquainted with the program at all.  I have worked on, and continue to work on me.  Because of that I am more present for my children and am able to be a better model for them.   As I teeter on the verge of becoming a grandfather, I am in a better position to provide guidance and discuss the errors I made.   My hope is that they see the value in my changes and someday they seek out the help they need to recover.  Change is rarely easy, but almost always necessary.  I hope you see value in potential changes for yourself and seek the help you need.