PROMISE FOUR
April 15, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.” BRB p. 591
“One casualty of our dysfunctional families was our ability to share intimacy. In our oftentimes dangerous families, intimacy led to vulnerability, which became an open invitation to be hurt and hurt again. We learned to protect ourselves by shutting down our natural need for intimacy. Our false self took charge to protect us from the harrowing pain of a multitude of unmet needs.
As we engage in the process of recovery, we begin to feel comfortable with other ACAs, learning to express our needs at meetings. We may need to be discerning in deciding with whom to share our most treasured hurts, but share them we must if we are to regain our ability to share intimately.
The process of recovery requires us to become our own loving parent, relieving from duty our most ardent defender, our critical inner parent. Only then will our Inner Child begin to feel and express all the hurt inside. As we grow comfortable with the uncomfortable absence of our critical inner parent, we build trust that our loving parent will guide us in knowing when and where to share intimately. Our internal intimacy translates into outward intimacy, and we are made whole once again.
On this day I will help my Inner Child feel safe so that my freedom to share intimacy can grow. I will practice sharing intimately with others I have learned to trust.”
My Experience:
In order to express my needs, I first had to identify my needs. That is and continues to be the hardest part. Because my needs never mattered, I kept them inside and rarely risked the chance of sharing them because the pain of rejection or ridicule was just too great. Once I identified some needs and was able to share them in meetings I began to understand that I was not asking for too much, I was simply asking for some basic dignities. Basic dignities like, not to be ridiculed because I really just wanted/needed; a hug, be listened to, or to just cry. My ACA family provides all these basic dignities without the shame that others have and continue to provide. Although my outside package may seem like I can take it, I really can’t. All I really need, everyday, are kind words, a genuine hug, to be really listened to, and to be able to shed a tear if I need to. That would truly represent heaven for me. The good thing is, I have learned to provide myself with these things in addition to being kind and gentle with myself when I err in some way. How different my life is today. Yours can be too.
Blog: www.bkcoates.com
Instagram: bkcoates
Facebook: brian coates
Twitter: @cornbread182 000000000