PROMISE FIVE

Feb 13 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.” BRB p. 591

In our program, we need a lot of courage to face a great many things. Facing how we were abandoned requires us to summon all the courage we can muster. As we “keep coming back,” memories and feelings float up from our subconscious to the mind’s eye, and we acknowledge the losses we buried.

As children, many of us wanted or needed to idealize our caregivers. In ACA, we take off the rose-colored glasses and see them as flawed human beings who were unable to be there for us emotionally, physically, psychologically, or spiritually. Facing this abandonment means looking at it honestly with the help of our Higher Power, our inner loving parent, and our Inner Child. This is how we begin to reparent ourselves so that we can become whole.

On this day I continue to seek the courage to face my abandonment issues, resolving to take the steps to make myself whole, so I can bond with others from this consciousness centered space.” 

My experience:

Reliving the abandonment I suffered was difficult.  First, I had to be honest with myself and identify the abandonment.  It was very difficult to identify because I thought my life growing up was normal.  “Didn’t everyone grow up like this?”  But now I understand that what I experienced was not normal and there was a lot of dysfunction and abandonment.  Once I was truthful with myself about that, then I had to relive it to determine what I needed and wanted during those traumatic times.  I needed my Inner Child to be cared for with gentleness and tenderness, which by the way I have identified as still needing today.  I had to open myself up to me first to be able to admit that.  Because I have been in gladiator mode for so long, this was tough to admit to myself.  Funny thing is, it was way harder for me to admit to myself than to admit to anyone else.  Today, I can freely admit to anyone my shortcomings, those that I have identified thus far, and my abandonment trauma.  This is a program of one step and one day at a time and I am so grateful for that because if I had to tackle everything at once I would probably be crushed under the pressure.  I thank my Higher Power for the guidance and gentleness.