PERSONAL POWER
March 10, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We move out of the victim role and claim our personal power by taking this path.” BRB p. 158
“We let parasites into our lives, trusting those we shouldn’t have. We ended up a victim over and over again. We were exhausted of our vital resources, financially and emotionally, and had no idea why. Spiritually we were bankrupt. Our heads throbbed as we raged at those who couldn’t hear us or who swore they wouldn’t do it again.
In ACA we got off the treadmill we hadn’t noticed we were on. With the help of our sponsor or fellow traveler, we did our Fourth Step and saw that our lives were insane, that we had swallowed poison and not known it. We now felt heard for the first time.
We became ready to go to any lengths to protect and nurture our Inner Children. Leaving no stone unturned, we rooted out the problem. We couldn’t remember all that happened to us because we had to forget so we could survive. But recovery becomes a safe place for the memories to begin resurfacing. We stop going to the inner drug store for a dose of fear. We release the trauma in our bodies and walk away different people: confident and alive.
On this day I will choose to go the distance and deal in a healthy way with whatever comes up for me emotionally and physically. If I can’t do this alone, I will get appropriate help.”
My Experience:
I never really thought about it, but perhaps I am a victim. I want to trust, I try to trust, but get let down time and again. I am so emotionally drained, I am not sure how I get up some mornings. It seems like I need to do a better job at getting off the treadmill and letting others live their lives without my input/interference. I must do a better job at protecting my Inner Child, especially in light of the memories that are coming back as a result of working the 4th and 5th steps. I am hoping this is just the storm before getting back to more calm. I will continue to work with my sponsor, my fellow traveler, my therapist, and my Higher Power as I tread these treacherous waters to get back to serenity. Wish me luck.
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