PERSONAL HIGHER POWER

Nov 18, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader 

“During our childhoods, some of us were severely abused, tortured if you will. Maybe we were drugged or forced into sexual roles that seem unthinkable to a civilized society. Perhaps we were even forced to hurt other children.

As adults, we tried to come to grips with how there could have been a loving Higher Power that let that happen to us as sweet, vulnerable children. As we remembered the intense feelings caused by such devastating treatment, we asked ourselves, “Where was God on that day?”

When we are truly seeking an answer, something that will allow us to make sense of our lives, we are ready for the ACA Solution. This is where we learn that we have the freedom to choose a loving Higher Power of our new understanding. This loving presence helps us discover how we can heal all of our wounds. As we seek our truth, these wounds, no matter how deep, are being transformed into strengths.”

My experience:

Although my parents were not necessarily religious, my maternal grandfather was.  My mother forced me to go to church with him for a while. I never understood church and this thing we called god.  It always seemed strange to me that this unknown power would punish you relentlessly if you failed to live up to an unknown standard.  What was more confusing to me is that there were different religions that defined their god and their set of standards that made their god happy.  I stayed away, because I could not wrap my mind around how a god could let all the things around me happen, including to me.  In the back of mind, I must be inherently bad if God allowed this behavior to be perpetrated on me.  So when I started this program, and it was said that this higher power only wants what is good for you and that there is not some unknown standard that you must live up to, I could relax into that.  It was said that this higher power is there to take on your burden, to help make your life manageable, all because you are who you are.  Not because you did this good deed or didn’t do this bad deed, just for you being you.  What a relief that was to hear.  Whenever I resort to my survival tendency to try to take care of all the problems of the world, I know I can relinquish to my higher power and those problems will be taken care of and/or the knowledge that I need will be revealed.