PEOPLE-PLEASING
July 7, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“By transforming our people-pleasing manner, we do not stop caring about others. However, we stop going over the line to ensure that we are never abandoned.” BRB p. 112
“As children, we looked to others such as our parents or teachers for approval. Doing so often kept us safe. Over time, this practice taught us to abandon our own sense of worth in favor of someone else’s external measure of our value. Without others’ approval, we felt like failures.
Through ACA, we learn to listen to our own inner loving parent’s voice, no longer needing to rely on others to give us a sense of ourselves. We learn to be true to ourselves, acting in ways that are aligned with the core values, beliefs and feelings that are becoming part of us. We seek no one’s approval but our own.
We sometimes find that our new actions may cause conflict with others. But with confidence in our new inner compass and no longer fearing abandonment, we hold fast to our beliefs, speak our truths, and strengthen our sense of self. We no longer need external forces to justify our existence.
On this day I will listen to my inner loving parent and know that is all the approval I need for my thoughts and actions.”
My Experience:
The validation that was sought out for a lifetime has been exhausting, and it rarely came. So there was a lot of disappointment, and gearing up to see if I could do better the next time. I thought, maybe this time they will recognize and say I did a good job. I have gotten off that hamster wheel of approval seeking and now understand what I approve of and don’t. This has even helped me eliminate some of my bad traits as I realized I was attention seeking with those traits. What feels good and right to me is what I now pursue and if others approve that is good, but it no longer makes or breaks my day if approval is given or not. I know I am on a good path, I know I am doing good, I know that the truth I now speak is me being true to myself and is consistent with me listening to my inner loving parent and my Higher Power. I know I am healing!!
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