OWN PERSON

April 25, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

 “I became stronger as a result of the efforts I made to protect my Inner Child and because of the strength he gives to me when we now work together. We are both flourishing.” BRB p.399

“When we were honest, we realized that we had never taken a clean action in our lives.  This is when we started to move beyond denial and walk in integrity.  We recognized that our behavior had been tainted by the lessons learned in our childhood. Although some good followed us, we needed a fearless inventory to find out and separate what we did not need for the rest of our journey.

We did this with the help of a sponsor or co-sponsor and the Yellow Workbook. We gained strength through due diligence. We slogged through the early days of pain, trusting we would one day act with true autonomy. We saw our way through perfectionism to the other side.  We were showing up for life, however imperfectly, even when we felt less-than.

Our future began to unfold, unfettered by the desires of other people. We were no longer tied to our abusers. Like a butterfly from its cocoon, we finally were emerging as our own person.

We never knew this level of feeling existed, and we welcomed these changes. As we became more willing to fight for our lives, we understood that we had value deep inside of us all along. It had been calling out in the dark for us to hear and see.

On this day I will embrace my inner truth and my Inner Child. I am my own person.”

My Experience:

I now have to analyze every thought I have and every action that I take to see if these are actions ingrained from my childhood survival skills.  While it served me well then, it keeps me mired in pain and misery now.  Allowing myself to accept inappropriate behavior, mistrust, unforgiveness, etc., these are all things that are holdovers from surviving.  I don’t necessarily complain about these traits because they did get me where I am today, but I am recognizing they have served their purpose and it is time to let them go.

The Exorcism of the Gladiator

For so very long I have come to rely

Afraid without you that I might just die

Time has come for the warrior to be expelled

I know this now as I move towards well

You can no longer be allowed to slay

You must be put to rest this very day

From this body you are compelled to depart

You have completed your mission given you from the start

Someone else now needs you in order to survive

You helped me immensely, but now alone I must strive

You eliminated the enemies when I needed you to

But now it is time for me to do what I do

Enjoy this thing we call eternal life

Living it without all the turmoil and strife

So thank you gladiator for taking care of me

But the exorcism is complete and now I set you free.

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