OVERLY RESPONSIBLE
March 12, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“I see how we took on too much responsibility for others’ thoughts and actions.” BRB p. 115
“Some of us were the overly responsible ones in our families. We learned that it was our job to control others, whether actively or passive-aggressively. Our goal was to prevent Dad’s anger or Mom’s depression; then maybe there would be some peace. Even though we failed time and again, what seemed like small successes “proved” that it was possible and kept us going. We told ourselves that yes, we could control the dysfunction.
As adults, when we took on too much responsibility for others, we were often eventually met with resentment and anger. Who were we to be telling others what to do and think? As a result, we may have lost important relationships and even our livelihoods.
In ACA, we learn that the most important thing we can do is take responsibility for ourselves first. This can be difficult, because our preoccupation with others may have left us with little sense of who we really are. But with time and the help of our program and fellow travelers, we see that this is the path to the peace we were always after.
On this day I will remember that I am not responsible for the thoughts and behaviors of others; I am only responsible for myself. ‘
My Experience:
Who I really was? I was the person that controlled everything. I made sure there was conformity to my way of thinking so I could have some sense of peace. However, I didn’t really know who I was because I was too busy defining who everyone else was. I was not in touch with my feelings, I could not identify or ask for the things that I needed, I suffered in silence as this was what I was supposed to do, right? Wrong!! ACA has put me on the very difficult path of self-discovery. I am starting to understand what I need in a loving relationship, I am starting to understand what I need in a work environment, I am starting to understand what I need in a familial relationship as well. I say starting because this discovery is not a one-time identification and move forward, it is ever evolving and what I feel like I need today, may not be what I discover I need tomorrow. So I consult with my Higher Power before making any decisions on what I feel like I need today to really assess my ultimate needs. I trust that my Higher Power will let me know when it is time to pull the trigger on what I am feeling and what I need. I am also ok with me being wrong and reassessing at a later time. What a wonderful journey. The highs are so much higher and lows are so much lower, but the fact that I can feel is wonderful to know and I am no longer walking through life as an uncaring, unfeeling being. Thank you ACA.
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