NEW WAY OF LIFE

Jan 18 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

We ask the adult child considering ACA to look at the program as a way of life that will unfold over time, bringing rich rewards of emotional relief and self-acceptance.” BRB p. 95

We took all of the abuse we could and still thought it was our fault. What was it we were doing wrong, anyway? What was it that made us feel so different and defective? Why couldn’t we just be like the rest of the people in our family and just take endless amounts of abuse without seeming to care? Why were we so wimpy? And where did negative feelings like anger get us, anyway?

Before ACA, we may have been in other programs that helped us, but where certain feelings may have been minimized. This made us feel like we were back in a place where we had to shut parts of ourselves off. We might have been told that “taking it to God” was the only important thing. That may work for many people, but we realized it wasn’t enough for us.

Now, with the help of ACA and the people we have learned to trust, we can accept the value of all of our feelings. We especially accept our anger and no longer run from it, knowing it can help teach us where our boundaries should be. We talk to others who are in touch with their feelings in a healthy way and can really hear us when we express our emotions. We know we are in the right place where healing takes place.

On this day I will realize my emotions are part of a gift from my Higher Power, a gift called “Me.”

My experience:

Getting in touch with and accepting my anger has been and continues to be a difficult journey for me.  It has been beaten into me that anger is bad.  I am learning that the unhealthy display of anger is not the best for all involved but that anger in and of itself produces knowledge.  Knowledge, that something that is being done is not acceptable or not healthy and I need to examine it and perhaps put a boundary around it.  When I do that, it feels good to me and I do not have to display anger in an unhealthy manner.  In this way, it preserves my health and the health of the relationship with the other person.  During those times that I cannot recognize the anger trigger and do happen to display anger in an unhealthy way, I reflect on what was going on with me, apologize for releasing my anger in such a way, and better explain what I needed or wanted in that moment.  All this is done without the expectation that the other person will change.  The key point that I continually learn is that others are just as free as I am to live how they want, so I cannot expect that any change will come.  I just need to share my wants/needs and if they can’t or won’t provide those, I understand and am now free to do what I need to do based on that information.  This new way of life produces freedoms, understanding, and serenity like never before.  There is a new way of life available for you too!!