MODERATION
Oct 7, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
Moderation
“Today when I am acting compulsively, I take a breather from that activity to moderate my behavior. Sometimes I have to say aloud, ‘I’m turning this over to GOD.” BRB p. 138
“We have homes with automatic temperature controls. The heat doesn’t engage until the thermostat senses there’s not enough warm air, and the air conditioning does the reverse.
This process of modulation (regulating according to measure or proportion) was not present in our families of origin. Nearly every life situation either received a maximal response or was virtually ignored (denial). A parent could rage over a traffic jam, but never discuss a tragic family death.
This lack of modulation or moderation in response to life’s events sent most of us into our adult lives without effective role models or acceptable ways to handle our emotions. We had two settings, MAX ON and MAX OFF, and we didn’t understand why. We blew up with anger and had no clue why we were unable to grieve serious life events. We now know we were programmed to be that way.
In ACA, with the Steps and the help of a fellow traveler, we see that we’re not alone. We gain serenity and can thoughtfully assess a life event, and then decide on a reasonable course of action, if action is required. We learn to do our part and then “Let Go and Let God.” As we go through this process, we gain serenity.
On this day I can choose a modulated response to a situation. I choose NOT to use the reactionary or denial behaviors I learned as a child.”
My experience:
My “Max” situations were out of control. What got me thinking that I needed help is when one day, not like any other, I blew up over something rather benign. I remember thinking, “what am I 10 years old, I am acting like a child.” That day got me to really thinking about who I was and what I was doing. I now understood when people said that my reactions were too much. On the flip side, I could be in emotional denial. I could look at people as they cried and wondered why. Why so emotional? It’s because I was not emotional. I now feel things, more appropriately I think, and respond in ways that are comforting, appropriate, and helpful to me while being able to feel the emotions that surround the event. It hurts like hell to identify and process feelings that I have not been used to dealing with because I would stuff them deep inside. But it has proven to be worthwhile to my relationships and to my mental health and sanity to learn how to get in touch with these feelings. What a blessing this has been.
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