MISUNDERSTANDING

It is funny, while on this journey of healing, the support that I get from my recovery community has been huge. There is an understanding and connection because of similar paths, similar damage, similar outcomes, and similar behaviors. But some of those that are closest to you stay silent or worse believe that how your Higher Power is directing you to express yourself as you heal is directed at them. This is the first time in my life that I have been able to get at the most intimate parts of me and share. Instead of, “I am hurt because I believe you have written about me”, how about, wow “I am sorry you had to endure that, that must have been harrowing.” Instead of “you are being a narcissist and its all about you”, how about “I understand that you need it to be about you right now and I hope you are healing.” But I guess it is true what they say, people don’t like a person to change even if that means they will be much better in the end. How sad that realization is.

To make matters even worse, not one person, not one, acknowledged when I shared the poem “The Secret” a few months back, but those same people who failed to acknowledge that poem feel very comfortable condemning me when I share other intimate thoughts. Maybe I should get different people in my life. HMMM!

The Secret

It was always in the shadow hiding under a shell

No one knew, and as conditioned, I could not tell

Like Godzilla it was there under the sea

Now is the time to shock the ocean and wake thee

I have now put a name and let it be known

The secret is out, now that I am grown

We can’t know the peril that it represents

But we poke it anyway in our innocence

Now awake, it is destroying the town

We must find a way to bring it back down

In order to do this I guess I need to release my anger

So as to lessen this secrets danger

So to my adults I voice a heartfelt fuck you

And to the perpetrator I say double fuck you too

Just so you know, today I would spit in your mouth

And put my foot in your ass all the way back to the south

I’m a gladiator bitch you could never defeat me

I would stomp on your nuts until your mouth bleeds

I would take out your knee caps so you couldn’t run

And snap off your fingernails one by one

I do have to say when I heard the news of your death

I had a smile of glee and it took away my breath

I heard They found your rotting corpse in an empty trailer you see

I so hope you died fucking miserably

Because I take solace in knowing you died a violent death

With your body rotting viciously all be itself

So I hope you don’t rest in peace not even a stitch

You punk motherfucking child molesting bitch �