MISTAKES

Jan 9, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“We also have great difficulty accepting mistakes as adults.” BRB p.38

Many adult children find themselves being overachievers and perfectionists. Many of us live in a white-knuckled what if? environment created by our own need to manage everything and everyone around us. We worry things won’t be done on time or be done perfectly.

As children, most of us felt we weren’t loved enough because we weren’t good enough. Our parents or caretakers reinforced this by letting us know we didn’t measure up. So we attempted to be perfect, which of course, fell short. As we entered adulthood we continued to equate perfection with love or the lack thereof if things didn’t work out. No one needed to berate us for imperfections; we were very capable of doing that to ourselves.

Perfectionism, control, negative projection, berating ourselves: how did we ever have time to breathe, let alone have any degree of serenity in our lives?

As we work the ACA program and start to feel better about ourselves, we become okay with imperfection.  We accept our human limitations, forgive ourselves for making mistakes and release ourselves from the need to control everything in our environment.

We can take time to breathe … really breathe… as in inhale, exhale and relax.

On this day I will give myself the freedom to make an error and know that it does not affect my worth as a human being.

 My Experience:

I have said, out loud, in ACA meetings that I am enjoying making and admitting mistakes.  I have never been able to do that.  Yes, I can still feel the feelings and yes I still think about the mistake, but I am able to get over it rather quickly because I have a Higher Power for which to give this mistake to.  The control issues I have run deep.  Anyone that knows me is probably rolling their eyes right now and saying, “you don’t say.”  It took me a while but I recognize now and am working hard to push through my control issues.  It starts with me admitting that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes.  What a relief this new path is for me.  Thank you to my ACA family for helping me through this difficult space!!