LETTING GO
May 14, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Recovery is not about perfection. It is in the becoming that we experience the promises of recovery.” BRB p. xxiv
“Some of us thought we had to figure out how to work the ACA program perfectly. We grew up in homes where that was the norm, and we expected nothing less of ourselves. We attended meetings and just “knew” everything would suddenly fall into place because we showed up and did the homework. However, in the rote process we followed, we missed the vital step of discovering and nurturing our Inner Child.
We didn’t make room for our feelings and for the process that helps us uncover who we are truly meant to be. As a result, when we finally experienced a different bottom, one we didn’t expect, we found our Higher Power waiting for us to reach out.
Now we accept that we are a work in progress, letting ourselves be where we are. We don’t know all the answers and discover that we might not find them soon. We are learning to let go of perfection, and that’s a hard nut to crack. We live with unsolved problems because it’s part of being human. This is part of the freedom we are discovering. The promises of recovery are now being fulfilled.
On this day I let go of my own ideas of what recovery should look like and open my heart to what it is – a series of unfolding experiences that I welcome with gratitude.”
My Experience:
When you attempt to control the narrative, like I did, it is hard to let go of being “perfect.” I attempted to be prepared for every scenario that could possibly happen. The problem is, I could not think of every scenario and prepare for every response. So my fall back response would be anger in order to shut down the conversation because it was not going the way I thought it should and thus I could not be perfect in the end. As I move through the steps and recovery, I let go of this need to be perfect more and more. Things just are. I cannot control how someone will respond to what I have to share, and I cannot solve the world’s problems. I just have to dig deep into who I am and truly speak from the heart. I now think about what I want to say. Previously, I would have said something in an attempt to make the other person feel guilty, or displayed anger. I still have those initial thoughts. The difference now is that I think about what I truly want to say and what I am feeling and now I relay my heartfelt thoughts. Irrespective if the receiver responds positively or not, I feel good that I have been able to communicate me true feelings. This is true letting go for me.
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