LETTING GO
April 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“To ask an adult child to surrender control is like asking someone to leap from an airplane without a parachute. Without recovery, an adult child can live in terror of letting go of control.” BRB p. 39
“A counselor once said the reason adult children have such a tight death-grip on everything is because we’re afraid if we let go, things won’t be okay. Fear holds us in bondage. We learned it so well growing up from those we loved most. As children we were afraid to go home, afraid to leave home, afraid we did something wrong, afraid we weren’t good enough, afraid somebody was going to get hit or kicked, or we feared for our lives…and the list goes on.
In the past, when things happened in our lives, we felt guilt or shame. We learned how to hold our breath and expect the worst. Today, in our recovery program, we learn many new behaviors, including letting go with the help of our Higher Power, our support group, our sponsor, and the roadmap of the Twelve Steps.
In ACA we learn to love and accept each other just the way we are. When conflict arises – and we know it will – we, as adult children, have the opportunity to practice each and every day how to become actors, not reactors, until we feel safe and comfortable.
On this day I will remember the slogan, ‘Let Go and Let God,’ asking my Higher Power for the strength to relax and reflect on the things I am powerless over.”
My Experience:
Hell, with recovery letting go of control is extremely difficult. Imagine walking through life with such a tight grip that anything that happens in front of you does not shake or startle you, or you are so detached from your feelings that your kids cannot even tickle you. Here is a before recovery story: I, along with my wife and two daughters were driving on a major freeway. Driving at freeway speed, a car directly in front of us, also going freeway speed, suddenly clipped the safety barrels and was air born. The car was literally off of the ground, half flipping and half turning eventually landing on its roof. Sparks were flying everywhere and the ensuing smoke was blurring my view. My wife and daughters began to scream frantically believing that we were all about to die. You know what I did, I just continued to drive. No panic, no feeling, nothing. I watched as this car hit the ground and as it began to slide towards us and then past us, I gently swerved to the left, right into a patch of smoke, and as I came out of the smoke patch and saw that the engine was now sitting directly in our path, I comfortably veered to the right, and as I peered into my rear view I watched as car after car plowed into one another, tires screeching, smoke billowing, chaos building as though I was Mr. Magoo. Now, of course people will say, there is a benefit to you having had no feelings and not letting go. What I am telling you, I had no feelings and thus no reaction whatsoever to that scene. My wife and daughters probably had the most appropriate response because as I think about it today, with some recovery under my belt, that was some scary ass shit. I guess my Higher Power was watching over me then and is helping me feel again today.
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