LEARNING TO THRIVE
May 22, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We learned to keep our thoughts and desires close to our hearts.” BRB p.431
As we grew up, it was not safe to share any part of us. When we risked being vulnerable and letting people know what we wanted, we were shamed and ridiculed, made to feel stupid for having needs at all, let alone dreams. Our struggles may have been as basic as having to keep our own clothes clean or finding food to eat. We put all our energy into surviving. By the time we were done, we had no energy to claim our birthright, the ability to dream.
Today, we nurture ourselves by deciding what we want the universe to send us, because we’re open to the possibility that we can have those things. We allow ourselves to swim around in the scent of promise. We deserve it. We realize that wanting something is not bad; it’s a healthy part of being human. We allow our minds and hearts to wander because this is how we learn what we want and need. We no longer stifle ourselves with negative images and thoughts. When we are blocked we talk about it with our sponsor or share in meetings. We don’t keep it to ourselves and allow our souls to wither with isolation. We now put our needs first and are not waiting for anyone to rescue us.
On this day I will show up for myself by allowing myself to think of what I want and not just what I need to survive and thrive.
My Experience:
This is still a struggle. I have kept everything inside for so long, that sharing is tough. But I force myself to share because ultimately it is good for me. Each week I have at least four opportunities to share because my program consists of meeting with my sponsor, meeting will a fellow traveler, meeting with a therapist and going to group. As scary as it still is to share, I get the feedback I need to keep sharing, to put things in a different perspective, to grow my mind, to acknowledge my pain, to appreciate my struggle, to encourage me, etc. This is me showing up for me. I hope that someday sharing will be less of a struggle, but for now, I will just keep showing up for me.
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