LANGUAGE

August 13, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“We recognize a spectrum that transcends language and trauma.  We recognize the light in ourselves and others.” BRB p. 438

“In our dysfunctional families, many of us held our heads down because we consistently heard language that was meant to shame us. We were told things like, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” “Who do you think you are – something special?” “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all!” “What are you – stupid?” and “Can’t you do any better than that?” These negatives became so ingrained in us that we still hear them inside our heads from our critical inner parent.

In ACA, we learn to hold our heads high as we hear different, affirming messages, like “One Day at a Time,” “First Things First,” “Easy Does It,” and “Keep It Simple.” They remind us to be gentle with ourselves.

As we recover from the hurtful language of our childhoods, we start by acknowledging the harm it has done.  We affirm that we are not defined by these shaming words as we tell ourselves that crying is okay, that we are special human beings, that we don’t have to be perfect, and that we all make mistakes – it’s what makes us human. These positive assurances help us finally explore who we were meant to be. And as we heal, we are able to provide similar assurances to others.

On this day I will make a conscious effort to think only positive things about myself and my abilities as I learn to undo the damage of the past.”

My Experience:

This is how I thought prior to recovery:

Alternative Universe

They told me I was an animal, they said I wasn’t smart

Opining “He’s alive”, the abbey normal brain was a part

They beat me into submission and they caged me in

Never acknowledging that perhaps it was because of their sin

The kindness not shown, the aloneness that I had

Carrying the burden of emptiness how it kept me so sad

The weight became too heavy, it was too much to bear

The points of their barbs pierced me now and I didn’t care

As the arrows struck, I stood there as I braved

Convinced that I was evil, my mind finally caved

This is how I think now:

New Paradigm

Convinced that I was wicked, that I was no good

Never really had a chance to be completely understood

Why would they take the chance to recognize me

When I could not completely appreciate the evil that was me

Then I learned about forgiveness, and applied to myself

Realizing these were only deeds which swelled my knowledge wealth

What I ended up absorbing that was the greatest gift to bore

These deeds need not define who I am at my core

My spirit is forgiving, my demeanor is un-cruel

I live my life following my own life-affirming rules

My trueness includes tenderness and compassion in my heart

These are the traits that existed inside me from the start

I was convinced over a lifetime of my sinful ways

I now speak this new paradigm into existence every day.

Blog:  www.bkcoates.com

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Twitter: @cornbread182