ISOLATION AND GRIEVING
Feb 19, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
”Isolation is our retreat from the paralyzing pain of indecision. This retreat into denial blunts our awareness of the destructive reality of family alcoholism and is the first stage of mourning and grief.” BRB p. 82
“Isolation is a way of protecting ourselves from the grief of our childhoods. We were alone and we had no one who “got us.” Protecting ourselves through isolation is common among ACAs. Whether we attend meetings, do Step work, go to retreats or just hang around meetings, we can do all of these things and still protect ourselves from the conscious, deeper knowledge of our losses. In an effort to avoid grief, we can share superficially or not at all. We can get to the meeting late and leave as soon as it closes. So even in recovery, we can remain alone as a way of not allowing ourselves to get in touch with the pain of our grief.
Yet, this isolation can be a part of the grieving process, and we are entitled to stay isolated as long as we need to in order to feel safe. Though it seems contradictory, as fellow travelers, the best that we can do for someone who is isolating is to allow them to grieve in the way they need to as long as it doesn’t create an unreasonable distraction to the meeting. There is no timetable.
On this day I will give myself permission to grieve in my own way. If I’m isolating, I will be gentle with myself and be where I need to be until I’m ready to reach out.”
My Experience:
I think I have grieved my experience for a couple of years now. For the first two years of being in program, I rarely spoke at meetings and chaired only one time. I realize now that I was going through my own personal grief. Everyone allowed me this time to grieve in my own special way. During those times I did share, people were very happy to hear what I had to say. Today, about two and a half years in, is very different. I have recently chaired a meeting where I shared the deepest and most personal events in my life and I now share at most meetings. I understand what this does for me and for those that are there to hear what I have to say. I realize that this is a safe place to share what I am feeling and that everyone in the room loves me for who I am and where I am in life without the thought of trying to change me. What a relief to be able to be myself.
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