ISOLATION

July 31, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Our experience shows that you cannot recover in isolation.” BRB p.127

Many of our childhood memories center around the isolation we felt in our homes while growing up. We may have had few or no childhood friends. To have friends could have placed us in a position where they would want to come to our house – and we couldn’t risk that.

The lack of close friendships deepened the sadness and loneliness we already faced on a regular basis. That loneliness also affected us as adults where many of us felt a social awkwardness that fueled both addiction and isolation.

We experienced the feeling of being alone, even in a crowd; and we felt lonely, even when we were in a relationship. Fear of failure, lack of trust, and fear of abandonment compounded things by leading many of us to choose others who also lacked the skills to have a healthy relationship.

Attending ACA meetings is the first step in breaking the pattern of loneliness and isolation. As we keep coming back, we are amazed to hear our own stories coming out of the mouths of others in the room. We realize we don’t have to be alone in our despair; we have found people who will love and accept us, even before we can love and accept ourselves. In ACA we are home, maybe for the first time in our lives.

On this day I will allow my fellow travelers to touch my life and know they will support me through my journey.”

My Experience:

For a lifetime I have felt isolated, alone, and only being able to rely on me.  This is a life lived in despair and loneliness.  Even in a relationship I felt alone.  I do understand now that because of my thought processes and the traits that I displayed, it was hard for anyone to get to really know me and want to be around me long term, but at that point I was who I was.  Since entering the rooms of recovery, I will never be the same!

I will never be the same

It never dawned on me when I walked into the room

The same for which I was, was destined for doom

As I walked into the space with my heart heavy sighing

I saw people cheerful and laughing and I saw some that were crying

This spot I entered was a wonder to me

Some place that I never thought I would be

But how could this exist without me ever knowing

A place that could truly help, my mind was blown

Smiles were freely given and even many a hug

Honestly, I was put aback, and my shoulders did shrug

Love from the entrance was given to me

But belief I deserved, dogged and eluded thee

They said that they would love and accept no matter what

They just wanted my acceptance as they already accepted me such

This initiated tears like I have never before

But like I would have in the past, I did not run for the door

I stayed to hear what more they had to say

And then like they asked, I came back another day

The folks in this room have seen me weep more than any other

These people now, I consider sisters and brothers

So, back and back continue I came

I realize now that I will never be the same

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