ISOLATING

Feb 24, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Being adult children, we have learned to endure colossal amounts of abuse and aloneness that only we understand.” BRB p.68

As adult children, we often forget that isolating is as natural to us as breathing. We may not even realize that we are doing it. Our first reaction to pain is usually to hold it inward, waiting until we are in agony before we tell someone else or reach out for help.

The tools of the ACA program help us to come out of our isolation and begin to form new habits.  When something scares or upsets us, we can go to a meeting or call our sponsor. When we share how we feel in meetings, we look around the room and often see heads nodding in agreement. The feelings we were too ashamed to admit become not so bad after all as we realize we are not alone. Our black-and-white thinking may even be causing us to see things as much worse than they really are.

We have felt alone for a long time but we don’t need to feel that way anymore. By working the ACA program, we can place our trust in a Higher Power and know that we will be safe in turning our pain over.  We can let go of the need to isolate.

On this day I will remember that I don’t have to suffer in silence. I have a program that is helping me learn to break my habit of isolation.

My Experience:

“Just leave me alone and I will get over it” I oft opined.  That was me sliding into the abyss of isolation.  I spent many minutes, hours, and days in isolation while those around me attempted to coax me out to no avail.  You see I was in its gravitational pull and only I could come out of it, you could not help.  Why you ask?  Because I could not trust your help.  I was raised to believe it was all on me.  I had to do it, so alone I would.  I couldn’t see how this affected you, how this made you feel, how you wanted to help, how rejected you were when you reached out and I said no.  I understand now that I don’t have all the answers, that there are people that can and want to help.  And even those that can’t they want to lend a supportive ear, a hug, or even a shoulder to cry on.  I thank you for that! 

The Abyss

In my life, the fight has been remiss

Attempting to stay, out of the abyss

Depression is what some might call by another name

But like Hawk said, fancy name, same thing

During these times my focus was askew

So that means I couldn’t concentrate on you

It may have looked like I didn’t care

But really all my energy was focused on this stare

I could feel myself fighting this gravitational pull

Sometimes I succumbed and was in its orbits full

For how long though I never really knew

That is when my isolation was in full view

You may have thought, he does not love me

But I couldn’t share with you because I could not see

But now that I do I am sorry you had to endure

The mood swings, the meanness and all the other obscure

Just know, that I needed you much

So much so, that I craved your touch

I write this now because you need to hear this

Because of you I will forever fight to stay out of the abyss