INTERNALIZED MESSAGES
Nov 25, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We felt as if we couldn’t do anything right because we couldn’t. No matter what our caretakers intended, their emotional daggers flew at us fast and furiously and stung deeply. Even long after leaving home, we carried that critical voice with us; only now it was internalized.
We told ourselves we were being babies, that we were over-reacting, that no one meant us harm: all our concerns were only in our heads. We just needed to toughen up and stop taking everything so seriously.
Internalizing these messages for so long left us unable to claim our birthright of serenity, which would allow us to face life’s challenges in an adult way.
In ACA we eventually turn around to face ourselves and our past. When we finish Step Five, a burden is lifted. We can see where we came from, who we truly are and who we can be. We are grateful that we have begun to question the voices inside as we dialogue with and challenge them. We no longer push these voices away. We invite them in and sit with them. We see our story unfold before us as we write and talk. We see the courageous little person who was faced with a childhood full of doubt and shame – and we have compassion for ourselves. We find our serenity.”
My experience:
About 3 years ago, at the age of 50, I lost about 30 pounds. I was looking good. Instead of acknowledging how good I looked, or how healthy I looked or a plethora of other positive comments that could have been made, my mother said to me, “don’t lose too much weight.” Wow, really! Even to this day, I cannot get positive affirmations from my mother. But the most revealing part is, I was not shocked by the response. That is when I realized I have to stop expecting/wanting her positive accolades. She is who she is. If I wanted to heal, I needed to change the dynamic of the relationship. I no longer expect positive comments from her. However, I get to define the nature of the relationship and how I interact and how often I interact with her. Because I understand now that my reaction to a lifetime of those types of comments was one of disappointment, sadness, and negative self-talk, all displayed through the mask of anger. I now cherish my inner child and do things to soothe him, to make him whole again. I don’t want my inner child to walk through the rest of his life angry, so I work hard to protect him and let him out and have fun. He was and still is a wonder to see and enjoy, too bad so many have refused to acknowledge it.
Journey with me to rid yourself of those messages!!